New chapter

The house has finally sold. I closed about 2 weeks ago. It's a strange, bittersweet feeling. I miss it, but it was such a burden and full of memories. Unfortunately I was unable to sell it for what I needed, so we still have a fair amount of debt to contend with.

It feels good to be free of my past finally. My son is almost grown, so the need to talk to my ex is dwindling, also being free of my job closes a big chapter for me, and of course the house too. I finally have a chance to start over. I'm not big on change, my fear is almost paralyzing. I should have rid myself of these things 2 years ago as soon as the marriage fell apart and I would be much farther ahead right now, but it took me that long to get it together. Slow learner I guess.

Update

Well since my last post, I have put the house on the market. It cleaned up much better than I thought it would. I've already had to lower the price and still no bites. I mentioned I wanted to eventually leave my job in order to close that last and final chapter of my life. Well, I was fired 2 weeks ago. So, that ends that. All that's left is for someone to buy my house.

I've got a pretty good jump start on my new life so far. I have reconciled with my ex-fiance and we are now living in his house and planning on getting married soon. I am so relaxed now not working at my old job and having a real man who takes care of things and pays the bills. I can finally be a wife and not the breadwinner or the one that runs the house and finances. It's my turn to be taken care of and in turn be the wife that I know I can be and be loved truly and completely and for all the right reasons. I'm almost 40 and it's about time things started to go right for me and I have some kind of real future.

I'm really hoping that in the next few months with the proceeds of my home, my 401K and his tax credit that we will be able to eliminate virtually all of our debt so we have a real chance at making it and hopefully our ex's will allow us to live in peace and be happy.

My son is going to have to figure out what the hell he is doing. He's almost 18, barely a Junior in high school and still no job. That is going to have to change very soon. I believe Dr. Phil says something to the effect "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". Which I believe to be very true. So based on that, my son will have to finance his own summer school in order to graduate. I refuse to pay $750 for his summer classes only to have him fail. Perhaps if he pays for it, it will motivate him to pass. He needs a job anyway to contribute to his bills and gasoline.

So things seem to be turning around finally. I'm done being my own worst enemy. I'm aware of my faults and the things I was doing to complicate my own life. I feel I'm on the right path. I hope my son will find his path soon.

Selling the house!!

I have finally accepted that I must sell my house. I have tried everything I can think of to hang on to it. I really need the equity to pay off debt and more importantly I need to leave this street and the memories in this house and start a whole new life. Hopefully debt free, and emotionally free. Perhaps in time I will even be able to change jobs and close that chapter of my life as well.

My son is almost grown, I'm not getting any younger. Almost forty, divorced, and almost an empty nester. I need to start arranging my life and finances in such a way that I can be free and happy. Free to pursue hobbies and interests of my own. Take classes, be creative, travel, spend time with friends. It's time to get out of the house and be sociable, and not just the bar.

I wish I had gone to school and been able to get a job doing something I loved and made enough money to really enjoy all the things life has to offer, but I think I can carve out a quiet, humble little life for myself.

I am tired of hanging on to the past, to the memories, to all the things that remind me of my past and the false hope that I would get it all back. I wasn't happy when I was married, wasn't allowed to be myself. So what is it I'm fighting to get back or keep? I know what makes me happy, I know who I am, I just need to get off my ass and make it all happen. I've been through hell, I know I can do this. I just need a little bit of good luck in selling this place for what I need so I can get a good, clean, fair start at my new life.

Toyota Mess

This is a collection of some of the best stories I've found thus far on the Toyota scandal. Obviously I show some bias. Never been a fan, this whole thing only furthers my disdain for the company.

Toyota Secretive on 'Black Box' Data

Toyota Boasted Saving $100M on Recall, Documents Show

Japan Transport Minister Hints at Toyota Cover-Up

Toyota Hit by Over 100 Prius Brake Complaints

LaHood Says Stop Driving Recalled Toyotas, Then Retracts

LaHood: Toyota Resisted Safety Fix

Doubt cast on Toyota's decision to blame sudden acceleration on gas pedal defect

Unintended Acceleration: Toyota Addresses the Issues

Apple Co-Founder Claims Toyota Prius Has "Scary" Software Problem He Can Duplicate

Toyota Offers to Buy Back Rusty Tacomas

Toyota Floor-Mat Problem Was Known Two Years Ago

Faulty Toyota Sensor Is Part of Drive-by-Wire System

Windows Writer

This is my first post using Windows Writer, we’ll see how it goes. So far so good. Haven’t been on here much lately, have a lot to say really, just not in the habit of posting anymore. I’ll work on keeping it up.

Tattoo

I got to see the drawing of my new upcoming tattoo on Friday. It's absolutely beautiful!! He couldn't have done it more perfectly. It's amazing, he saw exactly what I wanted only made it even better than my vision. I'm so freakin excited!! I've waited soooo long!! This guy is da bomb ass diggity!! I'll post pics as soon as I can.

Concerts

Chase, Shelly and I went to the Metallica concert at the BOK center. Its absolutely beautiful. The show was so amazing, I had heard live stuff from them before and was never impressed. He has improved his vocal skills tremendously, the show was awesome, the lasers and pyrotechnics were all fantastic. The best show I've seen so far.

Of course, the next Monday I was talking to my GM about the show because he took his son to it. He said that I should've told him, he could've gotten me free tickets and box seats. So, I'm trying to work some magic for the Slipknot show. Either way, Chase and I are going to see them. I'm so excited, they're a great band and he is going to have so much fun!!







I've been trying to take him to some unforgettable big venue shows to make up for the shows his daddy told him about and then he flaked as usual. It's so hard to focus on other people when you're the center of your own universe. LOL What exactly was it you thought you were getting Shonna? LOL